I’ve never met a father that outright told me he wanted to fail at this thing called “fatherhood.” Usually, it’s quite the opposite. By now, you may have picked up on the fact that the all-important subject of fatherhood is a passion point for me. What you don’t know is that around eight years ago I wrote something I called The List. I know, impressive title, right?

What the title lacked in creative flair, The List made up for in brawny, bravehearted truth. It was and is more than just a list. It’s a vision for Christ-built fatherhood – a vision viewed through the lens of children instead of the lens of the father.

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the list

As a father I want to do this fatherhood thing right. Like the everyday water turning to extraordinary wine at the wedding in Cana, I want Jesus to touch my ordinary fatherly average-ness and cause it to increase in tastiness as time passes.

I wrote down a list eight years ago that I pull out every now and again and meditate on. I simply call it The List. I realize that is a very boring title for something, but I’ve never had a reason to call it something different. Until now.

I changed it’s name today to the Uber-Manly Father List.

That’s quite the name upgrade, is it not?

A few weeks ago I delivered an early morning message from the Ellerslie Chapel stage during Daily Thunder. It was pertaining to the Joshua Harris debacle and it was on the topic of fatherhood entitled, The Fight of the Father.

In that message I whipped out my List. And ever since, I have been asked over and over again by fathers if I could supply them with this list (thus, the need for this particular blog entry and the exotic name upgrade). As a name, The List was simply not going to cut it. And since this list is quite epic and manly, I needed to make the name something a bit more hairy-chested.

Before I give you the Uber-Manly Father List, I should share some backstory on what this list is and how it originated.

Eight years ago I had a thought, an imagining, a haunting question. If thirty years in the future, my six kids (all grown up, married, and with kids of their own) were to gather together in a living room and were to be asked the following question, what would they answer?

“Please be blunt honest, Ludy kids! Tell us what your father, Eric, was like. Just say it like it was!”

For any father such a thought leads to a gulping reflex. As it should. Because that is what this whole thing called fatherhood is all about. It’s not just about the now, it’s about the generations that follow. We are setting a pattern, showing a picture, handing off an understanding.

So, what would my six kids say about me? I’m not totally sure. But, right now I’m still in the season where something can be done about their future answer. And that is what this Uber-Manly Father List is all about. It’s what I am desirous to have my children say of me thirty years from now.

THE UBER-MANLY FATHER LIST

I really REALLY want my children to say of me, in thirty years from now, that . . .

1. I was there, present, and available for them
2. I met danger with my own chest exposed
3. I was patient and long-suffering
4. I was a great listener and a good question-asker
5. I was a teacher, imparting everything I knew
6. I was a champion for Jesus, a living replica of His Grace
7. I was gentle and affectionate
8. I wrestled on the floor with them and wrestled in the public square for the Truth
9. I preached the Gospel, spoke the Gospel, taught the Gospel, and lived the Gospel in every moment
10. I was a protector from everything hostile to their spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical health
11. I was a rescuer of the weak, an advocate for the vulnerable, a father of the fatherless
12. I was honorable, honest, faithful, and true
13. I was a noble gentleman unto my wife and loved her as a woman should be loved
14. I was always accessible, always approachable, and always wanting my children near
15. I was thoughtful, warmhearted, generous, and kind
16. I was strong when strength was required
17. I was soft when softness was needed
18. I was the last to sleep and the first to rise
19. I was consistently on my knees praying
20. I was a true man — a man as God intended me to be

Technically, that isn’t the full list. There is more. But, I’ve always had a distinction in my list between the first part and the second part (and technically a third part). The second part builds off of desire #20. I want them to reflect back upon me as a true man. But what would that mean? Here’s how I wrote that eight years ago.

I really REALLY want my children to say of me, in thirty years from now, that . . .

21. I refused to allow Jesus to have spittle upon His cheek
22. I refused to allow Truth to fall in the streets and judgment to turn away backward
23. I refused to deny the holocausts of my day
24. I refused to step down on the issue of protecting life in the womb
25. I refused to say no when the orphan child needed a home
26. I refused to allow the down-syndrome child be cast aside and buried inside a government program
27. I refused to ignore the young pregnant girl’s situation
28. I refused to act as if the sex-trafficking industry were a myth
29. I refused to overlook the needs of the single mom’s plight
30. I refused to do nothing when something needed to be done
31. I refused to turn a blind eye to the encroachment of the world upon my children’s souls
32. I refused to yield to the plea to let my children just be “normal”
33. I refused to allow my boys to grow up without being trained as men
34. I refused to allow my girls to grow up without being trained as women
35. I refused to accept mediocrity while excellence could be had

I really REALLY want my children to say of me, in thirty years from now, that . . .

36. I trained them to GO into all the world and preach the Gospel
37. I “so loved the world” that I gave up my precious children to the harvest fields for the glory of Jesus Christ

Men, may we be a new generation of fathers — a generation that doesn’t throw out the sacred things and change the boundary lines of Truth in pursuit of personal comfort, but one that rises up to establish them, even at the cost of our very lives.

Men, if you are shrinking before such a list and scurrying about in your soul looking for a rock of justification to hide under in order to excuse yourself from the high bar, I want to encourage you with the simple statement that none of us, in and of ourselves, are naturally equipped to live out such a rendition of fatherhood. This is not a “natural” thing. It’s a supernatural thing. But, if you are a believer in Christ, then the Throne of Grace is opened unto you for this very purpose. And the Holy Spirit of God desires to move inside your life in order to empower you to do things that otherwise would be impossible. Everything you need in order to live with fatherly gusto has been made available. So, take a hold of it and use it to see your family transformed.