I’m a guy who’s written many books on sexuality, and I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this topic. So what have I done with my kids? I’m going to give you an example with one of my boys. What I feel is important for one of my boys to be solid sexually isn’t necessarily what everyone else would think about. They think I need to give them a book to help them understand this concept. And I’m not saying that those things don’t help, but there are central core issues that, if they’re not addressed, will cripple them and make them a slave to their own desires. My desire is for my child to be set free spiritually from the power and the control of sin so that they can see straight and live straight.
I’ve shared this list many times in my training with fathers and sons, I always go through the three things that I desire for my sons. So I would desire it for my daughters too. It would just change slightly. But I desire my sons to know that they know that they know that they’re in Christ. How do you get in Christ? By faith. And there are a lot of people if I asked, “So are you in Christ?” They’ll go, “Yeah, I’m in Christ.” “How do you know?” “Well, I believed.” Okay, that’s good. But do you know that you know that you know that you’re in Christ? See, I want my boys to be solid in their faith so that when the devil pushes and knocks and the winds and the rains beat, there is a foundation.
And that foundation needs to be concrete in the Word of God, which tells a soul that if you believe in Jesus, you put your trust in Jesus, you are in fact clothed in His work that He made on that Cross. What He accomplished is yours. It’s your clothing, which now gives you access unto the heavenly realms. That’s so thrilling, right? So I want my sons to know that they’re in Christ. Secondly, I want them to know that Christ is in them. When they have access into the heavenly realms, what do they have access to? The Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is actually intended to now live inside of them. Jesus Christ came to accomplish something and that is to bring us to the Father so now the Life of the Father can dwell inside of us.
That’s how this life works. A man can’t function as a man and can’t succeed sexually if he’s trying to do this in his own strength. He needs the muscle of Heaven inside of him. So I want my sons to know that they know that they know that they know that the Holy Spirit is inside of them. I don’t want them just to have a “churchy” understanding of this and casually say, ”Oh yeah, the Holy Spirit’s inside of me.” I want them to know that they know that they know that they are indwelled by the Living God.
And then third, it’s very simple. I want them to know that they’re men, and I want them to know what that means. If they have that composite, yes, they do need more. It’s not like I’m just going to impart those three principles and leave him alone. However, if they have that, they have a foundation that can go the distance. Because they are in Christ, Christ is in them, the Holy Spirit is working in them. Then they have a vision for what they’re here for. I mean, that’s just exciting. That’s the foundation. And that’s what leads to healthy sexual outcomes as opposed to the derangements that are so common today. It does not spare them from the challenges, but it gives them the right power and the right impetus to make this work.
If you’d like to take these ideas deeper, join me for an eight-week course on honorable manhood.